Jimmy John & Elly May

The two of them met in the clothing aisle at the Walmart in Paducah, not far from where each of them worked. Jimmy John had just gotten promoted to the day-shift janitor job at the hardware store and the boss said he needed to wear a blue shirt to match his faded jeans. Elly May, who flipped burgers at the Wendy’s down the street, was broke so she was just drooling over those new Capri pants with the little zippers on each leg. It was Friday and they both had just gotten paid but Elly May had already spent her whole check on a money order to pay toward her two months back rent.

Both were still wearing their badges from work and when they bumped into each other, they noticed that their last names were the same. It turned out that they were likely distant cousins so that was a good enough reason to walk over to the honky tonk across the road – the one with the loud jukebox. It didn’t take long to slam down a couple of shots and beers, at which time the conversation began to turn. Within minutes, Jimmy John, with a 6-pack in one hand and Elly May’s ass in the other, was off to the Sleepy-7 motel down the street.

Jimmy John sat on the bedside and took off his shoes and socks, and when Elly May saw those crooked toes, covered with scars and scabs and blisters, she asked, “Jimmy John, what happened to yo toes”? He promptly proclaimed, “well, when I was a bitty tike, I had da ToeMain poisoning”. Then his jeans dropped to the floor and she said, “Jimmy John, what’s wrong wich yo knees”? , whereupon he responded, “when I was a young feller, I done had da KneeMonia”. Not being fully satisfied with the answers she had gotten thus far, she reached into his skivvies[i]The origin of skivvies, a North American term for underwear, is unclear. The Oxford English Dictionary puts the earliest citation at 1932. However, World Wide Words puts it much earlier, 1918., and said, “I see ya’all gots da DickTheria too”.

By: Unknown
Greatly Embellished: May 2022
Published: May 2022
Revised:
Reader feedback always appreciated
footnotes
footnotes
↑i The origin of skivvies, a North American term for underwear, is unclear. The Oxford English Dictionary puts the earliest citation at 1932. However, World Wide Words puts it much earlier, 1918.